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Top 5 artists this week

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Top 5 artists this week

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The Gummi Bear Chronicles

My children think they can hide their candy consumption from me. But they fail to recognize my tactical advantage: They mistake me for an ignorant grown-up, when I’m actually an eternal preteen. My relationship to sweets has hardly changed since I was their age. Yes, I might eat candy less often now. But once I start, a precise choreography ensues.

Christoph niemann — gummi bear chronicles

The first Gummi bear is the best. After a few chews, the sweetness and acidity hit the tongue, then shoot into the nervous system.

Christoph niemann — gummi bear chronicles

The second one reaches the head and heart, and the third spreads through the entire body. Now would technically be the perfect time to stop.

Christoph niemann — gummi bear chronicles

Oh, the spectrum of colors. I create heavenly chords and progressions.

Christoph niemann — gummi bear chronicles

I eat and eat; the sugar flows; the bag is still assuringly heavy in my hand.

Christoph niemann — gummi bear chronicles

Around the 25 percent mark, I observe that the serving size has drastically increased from one bear to whole handfuls.

Christoph niemann — gummi bear chronicles

The sugar high dissolves into a blunt dullness, like Styrofoam slowly expanding in the space between my skin and bones.

Christoph niemann — gummi bear chronicles

I hate Gummi bears.

Christoph niemann — gummi bear chronicles

There is only one way to make the anguish stop: I must finish the entire pack swiftly and ruthlessly.

Christoph niemann — gummi bear chronicles

I plow through the remainder of the pack in a daze. Only the acidity of the yellow bears can deliver a barely noticeable kick.

Christoph niemann — gummi bear chronicles

I am turning into a Gummi bear — a terrible state that’s topped only by the terror of realizing . . .

Christoph niemann — gummi bear chronicles

. . . that all of a sudden, the pack is empty.

Christoph niemann — gummi bear chronicles

Oh, no!

Christoph niemann — gummi bear chronicles

But wait. The bag seems just a tiny bit too heavy.

Christoph niemann — gummi bear chronicles

One last straggler is hunted down. I’m so delighted that
I even resort to nibbling.

The End.

The Gummi Bear Chronicles - NYTimes.com
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The entrepreneur Derek Sivers once wrote a blog post where he said that “If I’m not saying ‘Hell Yeah!’ to something, then I say no.” It served him well in the business world and now I’d like to apply it to the dating world. And because I’m more of a vulgar asshole than Derek is, I’ll christen mine The Law of “Fuck Yes or No.”
Fuck Yes or No
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